Surrounded by People..Yet So lonly
While I was walking home from school today, I had one of those experiances where iIjust can't stop thinking. When I say this I mean that I can't clear my mind, i can't figure anything out. i know there is a lot that i need to figure out, but I don't know where to start.
I find myself totally depressed, down, unhappy, hurt, sad, alone....but i don't know why. I want to smile, have fun, be happy, enjoy life, but everything just falls apart, and I can't put it back together. If you were to ask me how I was today, my response would be 'okay.' If you wanted to know why, I wouldn't be able to tell you. I don't know why I'm 'just okay,' and I don't know why I feel so lonely. I have a loving family, great friends, a warm bed, clean clothes, and a roof over my head... what more could I want?
About two years ago, I would have been able to answere this question much easier, in fact I did. I would have been feeling this way, because i didn't know Christ... But I do now, and I don't know why I still feel this way. Actually it's not like I STILL feel this way, it's like I feel this way AGAIN. I just can't figure it out.
Maybe it's because I feel like I don't have a purpose in this life? I go to school, but I can't find myself motivated. I work, but I can't seem to please my parents. I go to two churchs, yet I don't belong to eaither. I hang out with friends, yet I don't feel like I belong. I spend time with my family, yet they know nothing about me.
Am I just getting ahead of myself? Am I'm thinking to much for a sixteen-year-old? Everyone always tells me to enjoy life now, so I can think about it later, but I can't do that. I can't stop thinking about this, and I don't know if I'll be at peace until I figure something out. I'm deffinantly not saying that I need to figure out my purpose in life, I don't know how long that will take, or if I'll EVER figure that out... I just want some guidence. Some direction as to where I'm supposed to be, what I'm supposed to do, and when I'm supposed to do it.
Then again...isn't that what we all want?
I find myself totally depressed, down, unhappy, hurt, sad, alone....but i don't know why. I want to smile, have fun, be happy, enjoy life, but everything just falls apart, and I can't put it back together. If you were to ask me how I was today, my response would be 'okay.' If you wanted to know why, I wouldn't be able to tell you. I don't know why I'm 'just okay,' and I don't know why I feel so lonely. I have a loving family, great friends, a warm bed, clean clothes, and a roof over my head... what more could I want?
About two years ago, I would have been able to answere this question much easier, in fact I did. I would have been feeling this way, because i didn't know Christ... But I do now, and I don't know why I still feel this way. Actually it's not like I STILL feel this way, it's like I feel this way AGAIN. I just can't figure it out.
Maybe it's because I feel like I don't have a purpose in this life? I go to school, but I can't find myself motivated. I work, but I can't seem to please my parents. I go to two churchs, yet I don't belong to eaither. I hang out with friends, yet I don't feel like I belong. I spend time with my family, yet they know nothing about me.
Am I just getting ahead of myself? Am I'm thinking to much for a sixteen-year-old? Everyone always tells me to enjoy life now, so I can think about it later, but I can't do that. I can't stop thinking about this, and I don't know if I'll be at peace until I figure something out. I'm deffinantly not saying that I need to figure out my purpose in life, I don't know how long that will take, or if I'll EVER figure that out... I just want some guidence. Some direction as to where I'm supposed to be, what I'm supposed to do, and when I'm supposed to do it.
Then again...isn't that what we all want?
posted by Elizbeth at 4:23 PM
1 Comments:
This is a very healthy place for you to explore these thoughts...I'm glad you took the initiative!
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