Moments...

It's the moments when you feel like life is perfect,
That God decides to challenge you...
You don't know what went wrong
Or when everything changed.
Things are all the sunden confusing
It's really very strange.

And it's the moments when you are least expecting it,
That He decideds to call on your name...
When you are walking down the street,
Music blaring in your ears.
His voice speaks out,
And you can't belive what you hear.

And it's the moments where you "don't need him,"
That you realize how much you really do...
You thought you had it all together
Thought you could live on your own
Then you realize how much you need
When you talk to a friend on the phone.

And it's the moments when you feel like you are worth nothing,
That God decides to challenge you with something...
It's such a great task,
One thing you would have never dreamed of.
You know it's right,
Yet you can't leave those you love...

And it's the moments like these
That you know God is real.
There isn't a doubt in your mind
With everything that you feel
He's so damn real.

And it's moments like this
That scare me the most.
I actually have to go on that adventure
The one he's called me to
The one that I've been avoiding
Because I know it's true.

And it's moments like these
When you realize that you're friends are there.
And now you have to leave them
Behind where they belong
Your paths are spliting
And you sing your own song.

It's the moments like these
When you have to break down and cry
You don't want this to happen
You'd even rather die.
But you said you'd go where you don't know
And it's time for that to show...

-September 29, 2007

Are you ready for some football?!?!?!

My big brother's frist football game of the season was today, it was pre-season out of league against Western, but it was awesome. My big brother is number 36 for the Linfield Wildcats, he plays on special teams, and should be running back any game now. I have watched every single one of his games since he started playing in middle school, I was even his ball girl until he made Varsity in high school. The only games I've missed have been in his college career, and he was either in a different state, or was hurt, and not playing.

Anyway I got to see him play again tonight and it was fun. They didn't win, but it was football, with my family, watching my big bro.

Can't wait till next week, HOME GAME!

Unconditional love?

Love. love. love? What is love? How is it possible? How could anyone love me?

This summer I've struggled with these questions. I've struggled with the fact that people tell me that they love me...because I don't love myself... My youth pastor says " I love you" and I know it's true, but can't accept it. My best friend says she loves me....and I know it's true..but I can't accept it. To know that these amazing people love me for who I AM is not possible in my mind, and to further know that God loves me a million time more...is IMPOSSIBLE, I can't wrap my mind around, I don't understand it...it can't be true...yet it is.

I am brought to tears thinking about the fact that God gets a strange feeling when he sees me, like we would get when we see someone we like, have a crush on, love etc.. I can't wrap my brain around the fact that ANYONE, let alone GOD, would love ME!!! I've done so much crap, and I've screwed up so much, and I'm ME...ME....how could anyone love Me??

Yet I know it's true....Jesus Freaking died on the flipping cross for me....for me... for me....

"Jesus loves me this I know, for the bible tells me so"
FOR HE TELLS ME SO.
FOR MY FRIENDS TELL ME SO.
FOR MY HEART TELLS ME SO.

I don't know about you, friends, but I don't know what the HELL I am doing in this world, I dont' know where I belong, I don't know where to step next...but I am realizing one thing. God loves me, and my friends love me and I love them UNCONDITIONALLY...that is what I know and that is what keeps me going. You can't love someone or accept their love without first accepting yourself and loving yourself...that is hard.
A good friend of mine said it best, "I've said things to myself that I would NEVER say to anyone else, because it is too horrible..." Friends, don't let the devil tell you that you aren't worth anything, that no one loves you, that you can't be loved, that you've done too much, because it's not true.

JESUS FREAKING LOVES YOU THIS I KNOW FOR HE TOLD ME SO!