Surrounded by People..Yet So lonly

While I was walking home from school today, I had one of those experiances where iIjust can't stop thinking. When I say this I mean that I can't clear my mind, i can't figure anything out. i know there is a lot that i need to figure out, but I don't know where to start.
I find myself totally depressed, down, unhappy, hurt, sad, alone....but i don't know why. I want to smile, have fun, be happy, enjoy life, but everything just falls apart, and I can't put it back together. If you were to ask me how I was today, my response would be 'okay.' If you wanted to know why, I wouldn't be able to tell you. I don't know why I'm 'just okay,' and I don't know why I feel so lonely. I have a loving family, great friends, a warm bed, clean clothes, and a roof over my head... what more could I want?
About two years ago, I would have been able to answere this question much easier, in fact I did. I would have been feeling this way, because i didn't know Christ... But I do now, and I don't know why I still feel this way. Actually it's not like I STILL feel this way, it's like I feel this way AGAIN. I just can't figure it out.
Maybe it's because I feel like I don't have a purpose in this life? I go to school, but I can't find myself motivated. I work, but I can't seem to please my parents. I go to two churchs, yet I don't belong to eaither. I hang out with friends, yet I don't feel like I belong. I spend time with my family, yet they know nothing about me.
Am I just getting ahead of myself? Am I'm thinking to much for a sixteen-year-old? Everyone always tells me to enjoy life now, so I can think about it later, but I can't do that. I can't stop thinking about this, and I don't know if I'll be at peace until I figure something out. I'm deffinantly not saying that I need to figure out my purpose in life, I don't know how long that will take, or if I'll EVER figure that out... I just want some guidence. Some direction as to where I'm supposed to be, what I'm supposed to do, and when I'm supposed to do it.

Then again...isn't that what we all want?

This is who I am. ..

What make a person a Christan? What makes them NOT a Christian? Having a drink, cussing, flipping someone off, and yelling at your parents. OR Going to chruch, reading the bible, attending two small groups, seeking advice about life, seeking to help those of less fourtune, and talking to God daily. You would think that these are two different people. The descriptions fit the steriotypical 'christian' and 'non-christian,' don't they? So who's who? Who is the Christan and who doesn't care about life, Christ, other people, or really what happens to them. not nessisarily an atheist, but basically, right?
NO, wrong. My name is Elizabeth Rogers and this is who I am...
Both of these descriptions defines me. I'm not perfect, but I still Love and Follow God to the best of my ability. I pray to him everyday, seek his advice through others, read the Bible, talk to him, yell at him, cry to him. i believe in him and i know him, and he KNOWS me. But wait., there's more. Yes, i do cuss when i get mad, or when i want to put a certain emphasis on something. It's not like i've never been to a party before, or had a drink, i'm not hard core, don't think that, but i'm not perfect. End of story. I don't think that my parents are always right and i don't always like them, but that doesn't mean that i don't love them.
I have struggled, and still do struggle with Depression. NO I'm not EMO and I don't cut my wrists for attention. But i get down, i fall, and i can't find a way out. i screw up and can't confess, i can't figure out who i am, where i'm supposed to go, or why the hell i'm in the posision that i'm in. i think things that i shouldn't. try things that i should. i've done some dammage to my body, but that's another entry. For now, just DON'T Judge me!

I am a Christian, my best friend is a Jewish Carpenter, I live for God, and I've been saved over and over again, and I am SITLL being SAVED. I've screwed up, i've messed up, i'm not perfect, i'm screwing up as i type this. I've asked for forgiveness, and i'm asking for it now. I'm lost. I'm scared. I'm learning. I am found. I love God. My name is Elizabeth Rogers....and this is who i am.

Peace Be With You